riots not diets

Moving beyond the New Year, New You culture

You may be starting to feel the strain of the ‘New Year, New You’ nonsense that is flying around at the moment. It seems that every time we turn on the TV, log onto Facebook or walk down the street, we are hit with ways in which we need to change ourselves to become better, worthier or more attractive.

Influencers of all stripes tell us that in order to make 2019 the best year ever, we need to make drastic changes and embrace diets, gym membership and the like. It is as though when the clock struck midnight on New Year’s Eve, we suddenly became broken somehow.

But I cannot recall anyone I know who has ever managed to turn their body-related New Year’s resolutions into lasting change. At some point, people always seem to ‘fall off the wagon’ and start the self-flagellation routine.

This is the second year that I have no intention whatsoever of changing my body in order to achieve the things I want to though. Instead of trying to use New Year’s resolutions to fix whatever is supposedly wrong with me, I have developed goals that I am keen to achieve.

These goals are things that, in the past, I would never have considered possible until I inhabited a thinner, more conventionally attractive body. But coaching has taught me that I am already good enough to work towards whatever it is I want to do.

A wonderful friend introduced me to ‘The Language of Letting Go’ by Melodie Beattie. In it, she shares a year’s worth of beautiful daily meditations that are aimed particularly at people who are experiencing co-dependent relationships.

New Year meditation

But regardless of whether you feel this situation applies to you or not, it should be possible to learn something from her work. This is part of her meditation for 1 January, and you might find it beneficial to take some time to reflect on the questions she raises:

“What would you like to have happen in your life this year? What would you like to do, to accomplish? What good would you like to attract into your life? What particular areas of growth would you like to have happen to you? What blocks, or character defects, would you like to have removed?

“What would you like to attain? Little things and big things? Where would you like to go? What would you like to have happen in friendship and love? What would you like to have happen in your family life? 

“Remember, we aren’t controlling others with our goals – we are trying to give direction to our life. 

“What problems would you like to see solved? What decisions would you like to make? What would you like to happen in your career? What would you like to see happen inside and around you?”

Once you have had a chance to reflect on some of these issues, ask yourself what it is you notice coming up for you? Is it the kinds of things you expected? Are they any different to previous years?

Being free to be me

When I personally undertook this exercise, I was struck by the absence of judgment that I placed on my body. Instead, I was able to genuinely think about what I wanted for myself, and my life, over the coming year.

I believe it is only when we can let go of the infectious expectation that we dislike our bodies that we are able to truly see what it is we would like to achieve. As women, we are taught from birth that our worth is inextricably linked to our physical form. Realising that this is not the case has been the most empowering thing I have ever done – and I would invite you to embark upon a quest to do the same.

To get started, here are some things you might like to try to survive the ‘New Year New You’ propaganda:

  • Have a social media clear-out: If you follow people who make you feel bad about yourself in any way, whether intentionally or unintentionally, get rid of them. Fill your newsfeeds with people and bodies of all kinds. It sounds simple but the more you expose yourself to the diversity of the human race, the more chance you have of resisting the ideals sold to us. For tips on some positive individuals you might like to follow, please visit my website;

  • Set healthy boundaries: If your workplace or social circle is full of diet talk, it is easy to get sucked in. Try telling people that you will not be dieting this year and you would appreciate them saving their weight-loss related conversations for someone else. If they are not able to respect this, you may wish to reconsider the time you spend with them, if at all possible;

  • Surround yourself with like-minded communities: People often find a sense of community at slimming clubs that they may not find elsewhere and, in some areas, there are few anti-diet alternatives. But it does not need to be the case if you create your own community. Whether it consists of a regular meet-up with other anti-diet friends, an anti-diet book club or an online group, they can all be invaluable in avoiding diet culture.

But whatever goals you decide to set for yourself this year, the most important thing to remember is that you deserve to achieve them – and that I believe in you.

If you’re local to Saffron Walden, Essex, why don’t you come along and check out The Body Liberation Collective. Our inaugural meeting will be taking place on Thursday 24th January 2019. For more details, visit Meetup.com

Five of the weirdest things dieting made me do...

**Trigger warning: Disordered eating, weight loss, diet culture**

As I move closer to eating intuitively and actually liking my body, it’s easy to forget just how much of my energy dieting and hating my body used to take up. I’ve been wanting to write this post for a while and it’s felt a bit scary but I’m going to do it anyway. So, here are five of the weirdest things dieting made me do:

  1. Reading menus: That’s right, I used to spend hours of my time reading restaurant menus – usually in the early hours of the morning when I was hungry or beating myself up for the food I’d eaten the day before and would most definitely avoid tomorrow.  It didn’t matter whether they were local or on the other side of the world, those menus were a lifeline to me in place of eating actual food.

  2. Discounting slim friends: Having been bullied about my weight and body since my first year of primary school, I was highly suspicious of slim, conventionally attractive people. If a slim person showed an interest in befriending me, I always suspected an ulterior motive. Sadly, holding these beliefs caused me to miss out on a lot of friendships but thankfully no more!

  3. The joy of a vomiting & diarrhoea bug: For anyone who has suffered the misery of V&D bugs, I’m aware this sounds strange but stick with me. The immense joy I felt weighing myself after spending 24 hours with my head stuck down the toilet was unbeatable. I felt like I’d usurped the power of the diet gods and made it to weight loss heaven. Of course, this feeling never lasted long and I’d soon be hoping for the next bug.

  4. Avoiding people I’d not seen since I gained weight: I’ve never been the most extroverted person but I avoided gatherings like the plague when I’d gained weight since I’d last seen a particular person/group of friends. I imagine people found me incredibly flaky as I would cancel A LOT but I was terrified people would notice my larger body and comment, either to my face or afterwards. Conversely, on two occasions when I’d lost a lot of weight, I was the life and soul of the party, wanting everyone to see the “new, improved me”. This was incredibly short-lived and always led to more embarrassment when I had to meet those same people again.

  5. Clothing restrictions: I cannot possibly list all of the strict clothing rules I have imposed upon myself over the years. Some examples were: never wear trousers, always wear trousers, everything must be black – always, colour is your worst enemy, horizontal stripes are your worst enemy, never short sleeves – always long, you must wear leggings even in the middle of a heatwave, skinny jeans are not for you, any kind of swimwear is worse than certain death, high street shops do not want customers like you in their stores… I could go on but I’m sure you get the gist. And fuck Trinny and Susannah and their clothing rules!

Writing this has made me realise that there are so many more weird behaviours I developed during two decades of disordered eating. I’m sure I could blog endlessly about them but even more striking is the shocking fatphobia I internalised over many years of exposure to diet culture. Had fatphobia not been an issue for me, I could have visited those restaurants and eaten the food on those menus without guilt or shame, been friends with slim people without feeling suspicious, dreaded a v&d bug like everyone else, seen my friends/family whenever I wanted without worrying what they’d be thinking of me and worn whatever the hell I liked. That’s a fuck load of wasted time and energy. Just as well I’m doing all those things now then!